Leaving but I don't know where

Every time I leave The Cove, I do my Last Things. Last croquet lawn fireflies, last pond time, last time checking the mailbox, manically trying to get every last thistle in the garden eradicated as more sprang up overnight... but the crazy thing about this round of 'lasts' I did a couple weeks ago is that I'm leaving the place forreal. I'm sure I'll be back at some point soon, some Work Weekend or whatnot, but what I'm getting at is that I was saying goodbye to this place being my home. For the last two whole years, it's been home. A complicated home, certainly. A home that's been a constant rollercoaster of emotions and struggles and success, mixed feelings of wanting to flee and wanting to stay, heartfelt moments and heartbreaking moments, all of them mixed up together and pretty dang confusing. 

On my way out of Capon Bridge I took some time to sit in town at some familiar haunts. The River House, where I used my free drink on my punch card to get my usual (lavender oat milk iced latte in a for-here cup, lol). My weekly Farmer's Daughter burger (best burger in WV!) where the guys remember my name and remember how I don't like cheese on my burger. And a couple days before, I took my last trip to the food order company we use, Schenk Foods, to pick up a big order in the truck and chat with the guys who have been working there since the camp used a bus to pick up the orders (so like, a really long time). It feels good to be known, and to know a place and it's businesses. To be recognized for getting the same thing every single time. Making the same small talk, but in a good way. Heck, even the lady at the deli counter at the grocery store knew me by the end of this Spring. We joked about how much sliced ham and turkey I always bought. And when I left she said "see you next time" because I'd been so consistent. Instead of saying "no you won't I'm leaving for good," I took a sentimental pic of my lunch meat. Here ya go:

Now I'm sitting on a lovely porch in Pittsburgh after a day of huge thunderstorms. I have lit a couple fancy candles, the dogs are next to me, and I'm reflecting on familiarity, home, and feeling like a local. Even here, in a place where I know basically no one, it's been easy to have nice small talk with the neighbors, to get used to driving back to the house I'm housesitting so much so that I can turn the GPS off when I reach a certain highway. I am a regular at the pressed juice stand at the local markets because they take Venmo, so much so that yesterday the person told me that they're pretty sure I'd had that flavor of juice before. The mailman asked if I knew a person named Annie Cohen on Day 1, and today he chatted with me about the funky piece of mail I got. Familiarity. And for these two short weeks, it does feel like home.

Such yummy juice, I am hooked! 

I've been slacking on blogging in recent years. But this blog has been incredibly useful for me to look back on-- I only wrote during times of transition, reflection times, or times of huge processing. And this time in my life definitely checks those boxes. Leaving a home, searching for a new one, writing from a temporary one. And honestly writing this makes me feel a bit less anxious about what is next. I have not had to expend much effort to feel good in my temporary Pittsburgh home. To feel familiarity with things and to feel like a local. I still am continually tempted by the seasonal lifestyle. At this point, I don't think that is going to change. The thing that has shifted is that I am craving that piece of stability-- to have a routine and people at businesses who know me, to go on my walk with Rana and see the same people and exchange the same pleasantries. I want a regular order at some place other than Chipolte, ya know? I dunno, maybe I'm at the point of my bloggy where I should post a sentimental song quote? This Josh Ritter line rings true right now:

leaving, leaving, leaving but I don't know where

Leaving, leaving, leaving but I don't know where

Well I'm going to wrap this up because I'm not totally sure it has a conclusion. Here's hoping I can have a carefree and most importantly stress free summer after these last two years of... not that... 

But come Fall, I would love love love to find a place that can be my place. At least for a little while ;) Any ideas welcome! Ok, maybe I'll blog again about this ~transition time~, but no promises.